Pet sitting, watering and shit, oh my!

Seriously I have been so busy with all kind of crap I haven't even had time to go hang out at my favorite sign shop! I will have a juicy update tomorrow afternoon so thats something to look foward to!

A side note, all the cheese has gone bad and is now smelling up the attic...

Diabolic plan #1172 has failed for the following reasons -

1 - I was unable to acquire a monkey that was smart enough
2 - The mini pig that he was supposed to ride is not "mini" enough
3 - Alarm codes were changed
4 - I couldn't find a big enough crane

For all those reasons the plan has failed. A side note, all the cheese has gone bad and is now smelling up the attic... questions are being asked. Killing her would raise bigger questions and would compromise several plans in operation. I will let her live. I guess I will put a fan up there or something, maybe one of those little pine thingys for the car.

The good news is now that diabolic plan #1172 is no longer on the books it lowers my status from Baleful to Nefarious. So thats a definite plus!

Did you open the garage door?

Last week as I was coming back home I left the garage door open. I did this because our neighbor was talking to me earlier and I said I would talk to him later. He was not outside but his garage was open so I thought I would keep ours open so if he wanted to talk to me he could come over and it didn't look like I came back home and ditched having to talk to him.

I forgot that I did that and apparently went to sleep. The next morning woke up headed to the garage to get something out of scooper1 and realized what I did. I asked Melanie just in case if she opened it in the morning. Nope, my bad! Lets go over everything that would have been gone had we not lived on our side of town or in San Jose.

Two buggys with keys in them
Two scooters with keys in them
Numerous collectible bar items
Oh this list just keeps going from big to small.

Oh and I left the inside garage door unlocked! Nice, now everytime I hear the house creak I think of that!

Scooper VS Craigslist Scammers

I have posted a few items on reno.craigslist.org (the best website ever!) and am so tired of all the lame scammers on there. I really need to find a way to fuck with them more than just leading them on for a while. Any ideas? The last guy (after I called him a Monkey Fucker) said that he was gunnin for me and would ruin me. I know that this is just a hallow threat but I would really like to be able to give him something back.... Hmmmm

Case #btch463 has been closed

Just a whole bunch of shit headed my way... first time cleanups are crappy when people haven't cleaned up in months! I have come to understand that most people will lie about how long it's been... I ask why? I see it all the time, why would someone feel the need to say "it's been a few weeks" when it has obviously been a few months. I don't care at all... but with that said I understand that happens and have only been surprised a couple times with yards out of my imagination. Take case #btch463 - She calls on the weekend asking for service within an hour because she has a party coming over. I tell her that we are booked (well pet sitting and grocery's said so) and that I could come to her house on a scheduled day during the week. She then starts telling me how it is cleaned every week and would take her less than 15 minutes to clean it up and couldn't understand why I wouldn't just come over and do it. By the way she wanted weekly service as well and when I told her our price for 2 dogs she complained and said they only go in a small area like a kennel size and that it should be less than my one dog rate. Now there are a couple other pooper scoopers in Reno and they ALL charge more than us... both in weekly service and first time cleanups. But even with that in mind I tell her that if the space is indeed smaller I can give her a personalized quote. I have done this for a few customers so it's no problem but in the back of my mind I know this LADY is not being quite forthright.

Normal service day comes... I arrive exactly when I say I will... while we are walking to the back yard I ask where the kennel is... What kennel? while walking along the side of the house I say "the area where you said they only go"... you know that area where you told me they only go, I think to myself. Now she had the party on the weekend so I am thinking that someone having people over in the backyard would have cleaned up (since it would only take her 15 mins) and I am only there for a weekly quote. We turn the corner and the entire side of the yard (only on the rocks) is filled. It's been MONTHS! She did not clean for her party, no surprise, and the kennel sized area is more like 1/2 the yard. She tells me... "so it's just here, this tiny area" I turn to her and say... it's full price for weekly service. She then starts to explain that it only takes her 5 mins a week and why should it be so much. I'm sorry if I didn't start this business to make minimum wage and won't cleanup your yard for nothing. I tell her that the area is larger than she described and blah blah blah. While she thinks that over I then start to tell her about the first time cleanup charge starting at $25 (which most houses are about there... still half the price of other people) she then laughs and says yeah there's no way its going to be that much! I said to her that she misheard me and that it starts at $25 and then tell her that it shouldn't be more than $35. I then hear again "but this would only take me 15 mins" LIAR! It's months of shit mixed with rocks... even by hand (the quick and dirty way) it would take me a 45 minutes. I don't mess around with taking time either... I do our first time cleanups for cheap to get weekly customers, so I want in and out as quick as possible. Well I explain to her that because it is in rocks it will take a while and thats it... at this point I know she is not going to sign up for service and although she has me write up the "quote" I can hear he say in her head... but it would only take me 15 mins. There are very few of these people... and I hate them. Note - not one person like this has ever signed up. Although I did have one call me over month later saying "Fine I guess I will pay your price for the cleanup" quoting me the price I told them over a month ago... then telling me that my rates are too expensive for weekly service so they won't be signing up for that... then getting mad because I tell them I will have to quote them a new price because there is now more crap... then finally agreeing to it because they are having people over and they are having a bbq... it hurt me so much to put them on hold, then tell them I was completely booked. Booked like a fox! Well you get it... and if you don't... oh my this post is too damn long!

Scooper VS Nevada Highway Patrol

Yesterday I had to do some pet sitting across town and decided that instead of making it a boring drive I would spice it up a bit. Melanie suggested that I take a buggy ride to liven up the trip and thats exactly what I did! Most of the way to the first house I was able to keep off the road. I then came to a place where I was trying to find a good spot to cross over to a field when I looked in my mirror and saw flashing lights. When he didn't pass me when I pulled over all I could think was D'oh! Let's see...was I doing more than the speed limit...check! Did I decide not to bring my wallet with my licence...check! Was I swerving all over the road while I looked for a dirt path...check! He got out of his car walked up to me and started telling me that what I was driving was not highway legal and I should not be driving on the road... I informed him that I knew this and what I was doing... then he asked for my license...D'oh! After telling him that I didn't have anything on me because I didn't want to lose my wallet I thought I was done for. Nope... he said he wasn't going to write me a ticket then started asking about the buggy, I guess his wife wanted one. 15 minutes later I was on my way again! I did continue to drive on the road when I came back!

Like a red headed step child....

I have been beaten down with things to do and have not had a chance to post what I have been working on. I will get everything back up to date tomorrow. And whats that smell?

Hoff-Off 07 part one...

Don't hassle the Hoff! So Melanie and I were just watching America's Got Talent.. Damn you shitty programing! We were watching and after the first contestant Melanie said I could FF past the judges comments... but I wanted to hear from the Hoff. As a laughed at everything he said she sat there disgusted saying how she does not like him at all. We then started Hoff-Off 07, a debate of such magnitude that this would change the way life as we know it continues to exist.

My position - David Hasselhoff aka The Hoff
Hilarious to watch because he is so bad that anything he does is great!



Melanie's position - Hasslehoff is so fucking cheesy and i hate him...look at this example of cheese:



So thats where the line has been drawn. Now in my defense I am going to say that the Hoff of today is by far the best and back in the day I didn't care for him... minus Knight Rider of course! Now that he has become the Hoff and made such a comeback I can't help but love to watch him.
Seriously how can you not love how out there this guy is. He is so full of himself and feels his image is "the cool guy" you can't help but look at him and hear him speak without laughing! I mean aside from his brilliant acting carer, he is one of the best vocal artists I have listened to since Shatner. I mean the guy even loves dogs, how can you not love a guy like that?

Earth VS Scooper

And the heat continues to beat down on me. It's already over 80 degrees out and I haven't even left for Reno to pooper scoop yet. This summer has been rough, its been steadily at 100 degrees for weeks now which makes it even harder to get out of the ac in the car. Time to think of a new plan to cool the earth......Hmmmm Diabolic plan #1866 has begun to form...