Do you want AWESOME STUFF at garbage prices??? Well grab your undies!

The greatest garage sale to ever take place is about to happen This weekend! Saturday May 24th and Sunday May 25th from 8AM to 4PM we are selling so much sweet shit it's crazy! You may be asking yourself "What makes this garage or moving sale the greatest?" Well... Most items have NO SET PRICE! Make us an offer and walk away with some mind blowing stuff that will leave you wishing you had a bigger car to take all our crap! And by "crap" I mean some grade A premium shit that you'll LOVE! Just a few examples of the life altering awesomeness we are selling... Getting Married? Need some sweet ass bubbles and wedding supplies? GOT IT! Boyfriend hasn't proposed yet? Give him a sweet ass HINT and buy a FULL WEDDING DRESS and wear it home! Want to travel back in time and space? we can take you back with a 70's pachinko machine from Japan! Now that's got BALLS! Do you like drinking at your bar but are just getting too lazy to stand? STOOLS! a ginormous 25 inches will separate your ass from the floor! Fossil, Kennith Cole, Tommy Hilfiger... NAME BRAND PURSES YO! Do you hate the sun in your eyes but never have enough hats around? Do you look at your hats and wished you have ones with 90's soda logos that no longer exist, or businesses you've never heard of, or better yet great tv shows or movies.... Look no further! we've got hats for MONTHS! Want to look like you've been wearing that hat forever... we've got dirty ones along with all the clean new ones.... don't want it dirty? You just bought it from a garage sale, WASH IT for gods sake! Do you want to pretend you're on Mad Men? Don't like that show, fine... how about any other show were they sit at an awesome desk? BIG OFFICE DESK HERE! 0001011001111000101000101001010101. COMPUTER SOFTWARE AND GAMES! Need a way to keep your cold stuff cold and your frozen stuff frozen? REFRIGERATE IT! I will even sell you the shirt off my back... as long as you take it from the pile of mens shirts for sale and have me put it on. Do you have DVD's? Tired of storing them in a garbage bag like a hobo? DVD RACKS FOR REAL! Hate drinking your margaritas over the rocks like a savage? It's BLENDER time! Want to feel like you're French royalty? Then get a sweet ass ARMOIRE to put your tv and clothes in! Need to escape the zombie Apocalypse into the desert? Do it in style with a 2003 Polaris 2 stroke (because who needs 4 when you can do it in two) 250cc Trail Blazer ATV! Are you a woman? Do you wear clothes? Bummer... well since you do, we have clothes and shoes for you TOO! Do you love watching moving pictures but haven't invented the technology yet yourself? Well we have solved your problem by offering TV's! Wish you had a way to keeps your thoughts on a permanent form? WE'VE GOT PAPER! Do you hate your food all moist? DEHYDRATE that fruit fools! Have you ever wanted to be your own BOSS? Own your own pet tag and leash business that comes in a handy truck carrying case LIKE A BOSS! Drive to shows in style and sell out the back in this one of a kind professional pet tag and accessory's truck! KEEP THE CASH! (we will take visa/mastercard for the truck) Ever wanted a bar for your backyard, but haven't wanted the elements to mess with that fine purchase? Buy our backyard BAR and let the drinks flow knowing we have done the hard part of weathering it for you! We'll even throw in a FREE bottle of tequila to get you started (21 and older of course) Are you a nun or just into some crazy stuff? YARDSTICKS! Did 1990 call and say you need to play all your ps2 games again? PS2 HERE! Did your power just go out? CANDLES EVERYWHERE! Do you like to read or cook but don't know where to get your fix? COOK and regular BOOKS YALL! Do you love the rain but hate getting wet? Do you enjoy carrying a big stick? Our RAINSTICK will keep you dry and your enemies at bay! Do you love to collect collectable stuff? We've got all kinds of stuff that's been sitting in a closet collecting crazy value for you! TRANSFORMERS, SIMPSONS, BASEBALL BASKETBALL AND FOOTBALL CARDS, AND MORE! Do you love the snow but can't seem to figure out how to get down the hill? SKI BOOTS AND SKIS will help you break a leg yo! Do you NEED a Halloween prop or two? Do you hate all that new garbage you see in the stores and want some sweet ass scare stuff? WE'VE GOT THAT TOO! Want people to know you drink beer and want to show it in light form? Brighten that buzz with our BEER LIGHT SIGN! Do you wish you lived in 10th scale life? Now you can with tires and parts and more for your sweet ass axial or whatever RC truck. Plus hella more tires! Ok the candy is wearing off so I'll just post that we have tons of other AWESOME STUFF THAT YOU NEED! And speaking of candy... FREE CANDY! FOR REALS THOUGH.... REALLY THERE'S GOING TO BE FREE CANDY! Not the good stuff, I saved that for my diabetes. We will be accepting CASH or VISA/MASTERCARD If you show up early you may get stabbed.

Another Shitty Convention... No really it's a Pooper Scooper Convention!

The wee we are headed out to a pooper scooper convention in Las Vegas NV. Exciting... well I hope so... all the research I've done on these conventions has turned up nothing. My plan is to attend and report back here to the masses! On a second note I'll be attending "Delusion" the Haunt being produced by NPH and if what we've heard it true its going to be bladder busting! Stay tuned to get real world reviews of the APaws pooper scooper convention and the haunted house delusion!

The scooper strikes again with Poopie Holly, the second pooper scooper song

I see that I have not updated this blog in awhile and guess I really should! Especially since so much has been going on since I last posted, plus I wrote my next scooper song. Enjoy Poopie Holly!

The Scooper VS cat fights

Dear cats in my yard,

Lately you cats have been hanging out in our yard. I really don't mind too much because in my mind you are hunting mice and keeping them out of our house. You don't seem to bother the pugs too much, and you pretend to run away so I don't feel the need to pretend to protect my yard. Up until last week it was a relationship that worked for the both of us. For the last week I have noticed that you have had a friend over. Don't get me wrong, if you need someone to pack hunt with go for it. The problem I am having is that you two start to fight like bitches, particularly in the mornings. I should be more specific, in the early mornings next to our bathroom window. You two are loud as hell and I'm getting tired of it. At first I just thought you two were getting it on since I've seen you two chilling together like buds. But those sounds aren't of love but of pussy fighting. You two need to chill before I bring out my auto airsoft gun and put you to the curb. If this continues I will fortify my yard with duck tape on the tops of all the fences and sit guard watching to chase you out. If we have an understanding please let me know by shutting the hell up and placing a dead animal sacrifice (of your choice) on my bar outside as a gift.

Thank you,
The Scooper

P.S. I hate you both.

Letters to prison

For years now I have had a family member that has been in prison... surprisingly not my brother either. For many years I had no contact with this family member as he did threaten to harm other family members with an axe while on drugs. As the years passed by the hatred I had slowly went away and I decided to write him.

We now write back and forth occasionally... well he sadly writes me more often than I write him back. In fact I think in the last 6 months he's written 3 times, including a birthday card and I've written... oh none. In fact I should be writing him right now, but I'm blogging about writing to him instead... his letter is next. He always says he doesn't mind with my lack of replies, but then again who is he to complain.

Recently I found out that he is going to be spending a lot of quality alone time. Not through any real fault of his own, the "politics" as he says it get you doing things just to stay alive. That part really sucks, if I had to go to prison my plan would be to pass out and play possum... it just seems that is would be easier that way. At some point everyone from the top to the bottom is to blame a bit for what goes on in there but in the end it all boils down to... you just put a crap-load of criminals in a room all together, shit is going to happen.

Now that he will be getting some alone time... many many months of it, I realized I should get back to writing to him again. He only has a radio, so anything he gets to read will be great for him. I tried to send him lots of letters before copying our blogs and sends them to him but once I stopped updating it was hard to find a reason to write. Well the new plan is to start sending him random articles or stories I find on the net, along with a real letter here and there. Well wish me luck... although I guess it's more for him.

This blog about a Haunters Convention will suck... so suck it!

My wife and I are slightly into Halloween... well let me correct that statement, I am uber into Halloween and my wife puts up with it. She has grown to enjoy it but just not at the level that I do.

With that in mind we went to a Halloween Haunters Convention in Las Vegas last a couple years ago. It was pretty awesome and we got a few great ideas for our haunt there. We did also learn that after being in a huge area with so much blood and gore, as well as the smells and sounds, that taking breaks more often was a requirement to stay sane. The convention in Vegas was the first... and unfortunately the last on the west coast. We thought the only way we would be able to go to a convention again would be to travel all the way to the Midwest and east coast. Well we were wrong!

On Feb 22 I received an email informing us of a convention here on the west coast this year! Excitedly I opened the email to hear the trombone "wa wa" sound in my head. It's going to be the first annual convention being put on by a group who had never done a convention *** ***** ***** ***. The ***'s were put in to censor my rude joke. I then read on to learn that the convention was being held at a school for the deaf on Salem Oregon that puts on a professional haunted house every year. I would have just laughed it off but my love for Halloween got me to thinking... it's not that far of a drive, my wife could visit a friend or two, and the hotel near there was pretty cheap. So I thought I would keep an eye on how the convention planning played out.

This last weekend we decided that we would indeed attend the convention. I'm hoping it will be more one on one with professional haunters, and my wife is in it for the road trip. Although I've been keeping an eye on their website, I really haven't seen too much to lead me to believe that this convention will be all that great, but it's the best the west coast has to offer and I'm taking it. I emailed the person in charge to try and get a better idea of the workshops and did get an answer of sorts, still leading me to believe that this might not be that great. But I have faith that it will be the greatest convention I go to this year!

So what was the point of this blog... nothing, so suck it!

Chain emails are always true!

Every so often we all get an email warning us about viruses, or new email scams, or how terrorists are using our cell phones. Well I have been tired of getting these so I reply (usually to everyone because the person didn't know how to blind copy someone) to the email disproving the warning, and letting them know to be more careful about what they forward on to people. I also like to make sure that everyone gets the message so they don't continue to spread this spam.

Last December I got an email warning of the impending doom headed to our computers. I knew the person who sent it out because he had sent an email when he first started introducing himself. After getting this email I just couldn't help myself and I answered. After all the emails were done I thought about posting it for your enjoyment but then thought I needed to be pushed just a bit more to embarrass him. Well today as I am taking out the garbage who comes walking up my driveway... yep! He proceeds to hand me a flier and tell me that its only for people that have viruses on their computer. I couldn't believe he didn't stop and notice the cars with our name on them... I stopped in amazement, but before I replied I thought back to this email... instead of talking to him I turned around and came right to the computer... thanks Mark.... oh I mean BOB!

- The names in these emails have been charged to protect the ignorant -

from BOB
to The Scooper
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:40 PM
subject Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
signed-by gmail.com
This is for real.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!

You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,'regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C drive of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your
e-mail address on his/her contact list. That is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it!

If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even if it is sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN.

It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US

- I now chose to reply to all -

from The Scooper
to BOB
cc Everyone
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 8:38 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
mailed-by gmail.com


You're a tad late on this "warning" since this started in 2007, and although there could be a virus out there... it's not the big bad unstoppable one that destroys your c drive. Check out this link for some real facts before sending more spam... http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/postcard.asp You'll find that your email is on the page

Please take me off your list of people to email.

- He could have let it go but decided to reply again -

From BOB
to The Scooper
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 10:08 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From Marks Computer Magic
signed-by gmail.com

Then your an idiot. This just propagated yesterday morning you moron. Shut the hellup on the internet if your this young.

- I decided he might not have understood so I let him know. -

from The Scooper
to BOB
bbc Other people
date Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 12:31 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
mailed-by gmail.com


BOB, since you didn't want to read the truth, and instead attack me, lets take this one step at a time.

As a self proclaimed expert in your field, I would think that you would investigate every email or notice of a new threat before you sent it out to potential customers. I understand that your business relies on the fear of that next virus to infect the consumers computer, but sending out emails without doing any investigation seems either malicious or ignorant (your choice.)

If you are being malicious then there is no point for you to read any further, you have made up your mind about this. For someone who has such high standards on how they treat their customers and what they charge and says this on their website "This type of treatment violates my personal, religious and my ethical belief." I find it very disturbing that this is the tactic you employ to get more business. Good luck with that!

Now if you are still reading lets try and figure out why you think I'm an idiot, moron, and "your this young." Although because you are lacking in the grammar department I'm not sure what "your this young" is supposed to mean (although I'm sure you meant "you're" or "you are"), so we'll just move on. I used to work for Verisign as an engineer in the bay area so I'm not one of your "...local so-called "techs" or ill-knowledged, self-taught geek idiots out there who think they know what they are doing..." and although the company I started here is picking up dog waste, I assure you that I am not an idiot or moron. But I know you're (see it's like that, not "your") shaking your fist at your computer screen vehemently disagreeing with what I have just said. You are probably really mad at yourself for not doing your homework before sending out an email to everyone, without blind copying them, and having someone with any sort of knowledge reply back to everyone proving you wrong. Don't be so hard on yourself! Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are an expert in their field. Let's move on past name calling and get to the core issue.

You said "This just propagated yesterday morning..." that statement was false. I'm not sure who forwarded the email to you but I assure you that they didn't write it, nor did the person before. I'm glad you took the time to take all the "fw"s off the subject line, but it doesn't make it true or not spam. Your (see! that one is right!) email is seen word for word on this site and many others dating back to early last year. That's when the chain letter started and it was proven that CNN nor McAfee never said anything like what was claimed. I understand that you think the link I sent out might be fake (especially from snopes.com they are not known for putting the truth out there) so I was going to start by sending you more links to dozens of other websites. I then realized that you might think I faked all of those so instead I'll let you do your own search. Go to Google (unless you think I got to them too) and do a search on "POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK" add in CNN if you want to make sure to see the letter you sent out specifically. Although your letter is on just about every website word for word.

Now BOB lets go over this one more time... Do your homework, don't Cc everyone (Bcc means blind carbon copy), don't email people who haven't emailed you before (I do understand the first email to announce your business but stop there!), don't reply back in anger without checking some facts first, and finally learn how to take a second to think before you write.

Fernley is such a small town and I didn't want this to turn into a "thing" but I don't appreciate spam, nor false information being sent out to fellow business owners and friends. I'm hoping you see the error of your ways and we can move past this.

Thanks for understanding!
The Scooper

Being cheesy IS as easy at it sounds.

So although most of the songs I come up with in my head while scooping aren't what most would call appropriate... I came up with this and decided to post it anyways!

Being interview on the radio today, not for my evil deeds but for being a scooper

That's right! My wife and I are off to the radio station today to be interviewed about our pooper scooper business. I hope to sneak in some evil deeds!

All I wanted was for someone to pass me the rock!

I put this ad on craigslist trying to get a trade.... and yet other than someone asking if I was a woman and hot (so they could work a trade for a ball) I got nothing!

Here's the deal. There is a basketball court near my house and I think I would like to get out and play some hoops. Because of laziness I am unwilling to pay any money for a ball so that when I only use it once (I'm hoping to play more than that of course) I don't feel bad that the ball sits in the garage. Don't get me wrong if it does go to the garage of sorrow it won't be lonely, there's a tone of stuff in there to keep it company, Halloween props, dust, some old carpet pieces, whips, chains, you know the usual . However if I do get to playing again, it will have a happy place to live... as long as the ball doesn't suck and make me suck in return.

But I digress... I would like a nice enough ball that keeps air and hasn't been handed down for years and years. (I don't want my new ball to know that there may have been someone better than me before the ball came to live with me. Then it would try and leave or make me suck... nothing good can come from that) So won't you please help me? I'm not asking for a free ball, but just am unwilling to lay down some green on one so lets make a deal and trade for one. What do you want? I'm going to guess that trading some time watching tv on the couch with me drinking beer is out so, what do you have in mind?

Come on coach I have hoop dreams!

Being Evil costs have gone up. That's why I started the next new endeavor

The newest way of making supplemental income has come in the form of my new business.

GET DOWN!!! Escape Planning Services

We are your full service escape planning service. From household escape mapping to getting out of any situation, we can give you a professional plan to escape. We have an escape plan for any situation and any budget.

Worried that your whole family will be killed in a fire? Not going to have time to save the family fish? We have a plan for you!

Been avoiding your boss because you haven't done your work for a week.? Think they may have found out that you were the one that "tainted" the office coffee? We have a plan for you!

Driving on south Virginia and think you're being followed? Forgot to call us but still need a plan sent to your phone? We have a plan for you!

Just used the bathroom and as usual you flooded the toilet at a friends house. You can't use the window to escape but don't want to get caught again. We have a plan for you!

Did you just realize that your boyfriend is a stalker. Is he leaving dead birds at your front door? Can't afford the hit? We have a plan for you!

You went to the bank for a withdrawal forgetting that you brought a gun and bomb strapped to your chest? Once they started throwing money at you, you decided to go with it but now need a way out? We have a plan for you!

If you are planning a kidnapping but realized you don't know how to get out of the hospital with your new baby? We have a plan for you!

Enjoy farting in the elevator but always get caught doing it. We have a plan for you!

Assassins and Ninjas are constantly trying to kill you. Tired of having to fight your way out of a room? We have a plan for you!

Work in a high rise building and afraid your wife and girlfriend are going to meet in the lobby. Worried that they are headed up to your office now to confront you? Don't want to get caught with your other girlfriend in your office? We have a plan for you!

Government hunting your down as a fugitive and need a plan for getting out? We have a plan for you!

We have an escape plan for any and all situations! Worried that your plan will cost too much? Don't be! We have payment plans and prices to meet any budget as well as bartering offers are also accepted. We do not endorse illegal activities but that doesn't mean we can't make a plan for you. Please feel free to email us with your situation that you need a plan for and we will start working out a price and a plan for you. PlanningYourEscape@gmail.com

Ok the hot sauce thing only made 1 person tremble in fear

unfortunately that was me, as I was switching out all the packets, I got some in my eye. It burned...bad! Then I had to man up and get going but then I stubbed my toe and started crying.... but only for like 20 minutes. I'm good now after some down time.

Tomorrow I take on the bush pooper.

Diabolic plan #2399 is in effect... You have been warned!

Just a short update. Pretty much just for my fans and loyal subjects, I mean there aren't that many of you out there... well enough for me to write you I guess... anyways you get the idea... um if you don't get the idea then email me at evilinsideofme@gmail.com then I'll put you straight. If you do already get it then read on.

I plan to change all the sauce packets at taco bell to a hotter sauce than what the outside packaging says. Thus, panic will ensue with peoples mouths burning. Mass confusion over the level of hotness they thought they were putting on and what they actually got will start riots in the streets. From that point I will be able to start diabolic plan #882, terror of which the world has never seen!!!Although these packets look like they are hot... the sauce inside has actually been replaced by FIRE sauce! It has begun...

After many months I have come out of hiding

For those of you who know, I have been in hiding because a mysterious (and bothersome) crime fighter has made it their mission to ruin all my plans for world domination. After the attempt on my life that failed I thought I had dealt with the problem. I however did not know of the new "stuperhero" that was working his lame moves my way. He has settled in Reno and has been working with local law enforcement to try and stop my every move. After careful consideration and research I feel that I am ready to continue with my plans... Nothing can stop me now!!!!

I also did some research to find if this new guy was registered with the World Superhero Registry, but he is not. He is lame and has something to do with carrots. He keeps yelling something about boc? Either way he will not stop me! If any of my followers comes across him please let me know, also keep track of the rest of the bothersome bunch here http://worldsuperheroregistry.com I was able to find a picture of him... what a vile looking boy!

I have also sent my grievance to the counsel about this nuisance not following the proper channels in declaring me his new arch enemy. Since he wears a bandoleer of carrots I can only assume that he has super vision... or he throws them. Either way he has stopped me with brute force... I must find his weakness... maybe sugar?

The henchman you sent to kill me failed, so sorry!

He is currently tied up in the back of Scooper1 and will remain there until I get the required information. Your plot to assassinate me and take over my region has failed, I will be coming for you soon. I have attained that his name is Pier' and he is well versed in the are of "bead tossing." Although I am not sure what that pertains to I will foil your next attempt with some "bead tossing" of my own.