Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Halloween kicked my ass!
http://themerrydrizzle.blogspot.com/ Melanie's blog was just voted best blog of the day... check it out!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Guerrilla warfare in the bushes
Dear Charles,
I just wanted to let you know that there was an entire yard for you to utilize. I mean the yard is huge, there's the grass, dirt at the bottom of the hill, gravel, hell even the rocks around all the trees. With that in mind I just have to ask one question. Why do you feel the need to hide... no... camouflage your poo in bushes. Is it your way of wiping to back that ass up into the bush to do your business? What made you decide to hide your dirtiness? I am here to let you know that other dogs do it and you don't need to hide it anymore. What does it hurt you ask? I had to buy a special rake and your yard takes me twice as long. So I beg of you... please... no more steamers in the bushes.
Thanks,
The Scooper
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The Scooper VS being done in time for Halloween
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Scooper VS Newsprint deadlines
We finished everything I wanted just hours before the press showed up. They are going to run our story next Wednesday and then the week after as well! Now all I have to complete is the rest of the haunted house. D'oh!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Slave Labor and the Scooper
Thats what I get! It looks great and now I'm off to start the walls!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Who's eating bacon?
Friday, October 5, 2007
The truth has come out about our haunted house...
We know there have been rumors about our Haunted House. Some of the rumors going around are so far from the truth we have decided to set the record straight.
In 1896, Billy Smith was just 8 years old. Billy was sent to live with his Uncle, a rich and sinister man. Billy’s Uncle had a very big house with a very large staff. He even employed an unusual scientist to help make strange, some say evil, potions to help him make more money. No one was allowed in the scientist’s laboratory.
Billy’s curiosity eventually got the best of him and he entered the forbidden laboratory. While in there Billy came across a beautiful bottle with a label marked “For Billy.” Billy, of course knew it was meant for him, so he drank it.
Starting that night, Billy was tormented by not only nightmares but Billy described them as “Frightmares” because they were so horrific. Night after night Billy would dread going to sleep because he knew what awaited him…Frightmares.
About 5 years ago, we found Billy Smith’s diary at an estate sale and bought it. Billy’s diary contains all of the Frightmares that tortured him over the years and believe me, these are very scary indeed. We have used portions of his Frightmares in our Haunted House, which is why we call it Frightmare Mansion.
We don’t know why the scientist had the potion for Billy in his laboratory to drink. We don’t even know what became of Billy; his last entry was when Billy was just 12 years old. Since we purchased Billy’s diary we have had strange occurrences in our house. We believe that Billy’s ghost is roaming around at night in our graveyard pleased that we have used his diary for our own Frightmare Mansion.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Don't make me have to win a contest to get your bill paid
http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/newsite/index.html
This show is what I keep on my ipod for scooping. These guys are great!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
It's so on! Like Donkey Kong!
So for the last 4 hours I have been updating our new Halloween website and trying to get it submitted on the web to get us some traffic. 4 hours! It takes forever to do some of this crap! But an upside is Melanie made an AWESOME banner for the Halloween website in Adobe! I also posted a few ad's on CL as google seems to find the ad's before it finds the actual website. Starting tomorrow I will have a few people over and the process begins!
Friday, September 28, 2007
I heard him make the call to his wife and all he said was "the deed is done"
I got a call from my friend Scott asking if I wanted to tag along while he went to get some windshield wiper replacements. I agreed and he picked me up. On the way back from the store he then mentioned that I was just recruited to go with him to pick up some railroad ties... D'oh! As I clawed at the door and windows in the car to escape, I heard him
Halloween is just around the corner!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Diabolic plan #2491 has been formed
Diabolic plan #2491 has been formed and if pushed I will implement it with a force. It will be effectively taking any customers other scoopers have and giving them such a deal that they will switch to our service. But there are enough customers in the Reno area so without being provoked the plan stays on hold.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Websites VS The Scooper
Friday, September 21, 2007
The Scooper VS honeysuckle scented votive candles
They are so lucky that there were plenty of cookies!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
5D x 3M = TOS
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
85 packs of coke in the car... 85 packs of coke... take one down....
Don't break out the mirror, I'm talking about Coke a Cola, the greatest beverage ever. I recently switched to coke zero and since then my coke intake has been reduced greatly. If I am out of coke I can now go up to a week without it which for those of you who know me thats huge. On Tuesday on one of my regular bathroom stops while scooping, I noticed that Home Depot had a few pallets of coke, diet coke and coke zero. Since they do not normally carry the glourious beverage I decided to check out to see what the sale price might be. Much to my surprise is was $1.98 for a twelve pack! No tax, no crv, just $1.98! Now for those of you who don't know prices...
Scolaries (our only grocery store) sale price today 2 for $9 normal price $5.49 for 1
Walmart (where we usually shop due to price) today sale price $3.32 for 1 and the lowest has been $2.50 last year.
Great price right! So as I packed the Subaru with my bounty (not even using my total soda budget) I called a friend to tell him of the deal. As I finished packing and headed off to the next job my friend calls back from another Home Depot thanking me for telling him then asking if I used the coupon. Coupon I asked? So that store had $1.50 off coupons for coke zero making the twelve pack a mere $0.48. Making the soda's just $0.04 each, add the recycle fee of $0.05 per can I'll get back if I take them to California and I would be paid to drink coke! After scooping for the day I headed to that store with the intention of returning all the coke zero and re-buying it at this crazy price. After all coke zero is mostly what I bought. After waiting for more than a 1/2 hour and having one person at the store try and tell me there was a limit (of which I pointed out that they did not post that) then try and tell me that the coupons were for a later visit (which I pointed out to her that the coupons did not say that) and after much whining on their parts I got my money back for the difference.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Pet sitting, watering and shit, oh my!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A side note, all the cheese has gone bad and is now smelling up the attic...
1 - I was unable to acquire a monkey that was smart enough
2 - The mini pig that he was supposed to ride is not "mini" enough
3 - Alarm codes were changed
4 - I couldn't find a big enough crane
For all those reasons the plan has failed. A side note, all the cheese has gone bad and is now smelling up the attic... questions are being asked. Killing her would raise bigger questions and would compromise several plans in operation. I will let her live. I guess I will put a fan up there or something, maybe one of those little pine thingys for the car.
The good news is now that diabolic plan #1172 is no longer on the books it lowers my status from Baleful to Nefarious. So thats a definite plus!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Did you open the garage door?
I forgot that I did that and apparently went to sleep. The next morning woke up headed to the garage to get something out of scooper1 and realized what I did. I asked Melanie just in case if she opened it in the morning. Nope, my bad! Lets go over everything that would have been gone had we not lived on our side of town or in San Jose.
Two buggys with keys in them
Two scooters with keys in them
Numerous collectible bar items
Oh this list just keeps going from big to small.
Oh and I left the inside garage door unlocked! Nice, now everytime I hear the house creak I think of that!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Scooper VS Craigslist Scammers
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Case #btch463 has been closed
Normal service day comes... I arrive exactly when I say I will... while we are walking to the back yard I ask where the kennel is... What kennel? while walking along the side of the house I say "the area where you said they only go"... you know that area where you told me they only go, I think to myself. Now she had the party on the weekend so I am thinking that someone having people over in the backyard would have cleaned up (since it would only take her 15 mins) and I am only there for a weekly quote. We turn the corner and the entire side of the yard (only on the rocks) is filled. It's been MONTHS! She did not clean for her party, no surprise, and the kennel sized area is more like 1/2 the yard. She tells me... "so it's just here, this tiny area" I turn to her and say... it's full price for weekly service. She then starts to explain that it only takes her 5 mins a week and why should it be so much. I'm sorry if I didn't start this business to make minimum wage and won't cleanup your yard for nothing. I tell her that the area is larger than she described and blah blah blah. While she thinks that over I then start to tell her about the first time cleanup charge starting at $25 (which most houses are about there... still half the price of other people) she then laughs and says yeah there's no way its going to be that much! I said to her that she misheard me and that it starts at $25 and then tell her that it shouldn't be more than $35. I then hear again "but this would only take me 15 mins" LIAR! It's months of shit mixed with rocks... even by hand (the quick and dirty way) it would take me a 45 minutes. I don't mess around with taking time either... I do our first time cleanups for cheap to get weekly customers, so I want in and out as quick as possible. Well I explain to her that because it is in rocks it will take a while and thats it... at this point I know she is not going to sign up for service and although she has me write up the "quote" I can hear he say in her head... but it would only take me 15 mins. There are very few of these people... and I hate them. Note - not one person like this has ever signed up. Although I did have one call me over month later saying "Fine I guess I will pay your price for the cleanup" quoting me the price I told them over a month ago... then telling me that my rates are too expensive for weekly service so they won't be signing up for that... then getting mad because I tell them I will have to quote them a new price because there is now more crap... then finally agreeing to it because they are having people over and they are having a bbq... it hurt me so much to put them on hold, then tell them I was completely booked. Booked like a fox! Well you get it... and if you don't... oh my this post is too damn long!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Scooper VS Nevada Highway Patrol
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Like a red headed step child....
Friday, August 3, 2007
Hoff-Off 07 part one...
My position - David Hasselhoff aka The Hoff
Hilarious to watch because he is so bad that anything he does is great!
Melanie's position - Hasslehoff is so fucking cheesy and i hate him...look at this example of cheese:
So thats where the line has been drawn. Now in my defense I am going to say that the Hoff of

Seriously how can you not love how out there this guy is. He is so full of himself and feels his image is "the cool guy" you can't help but look at him and hear him speak without laughing! I mean aside from his brilliant acting carer, he is one of the best vocal artists I have listened to since Shatner. I mean the guy even loves dogs, how can you not love a guy like that?
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Earth VS Scooper
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Watersports shouldn't be part of my day...
Well it's not the first time but I was peed on today... by a dog...sicko's! While driving around I sometimes come across the stray dog here and there. usually they run home, but this time I guess the little guy was a bit to tuckered out. As I went to pick him up he of course let loose and sprayed me. Great, it's 100 degrees and now I have a peed on shirt! Long story short after taking him to the vet to see if he was micro chipped (which he wasn't) I had to bring the little guy home. I then posted an ad online to see if anyone had lost him and promptly made signs to put up in town. In the ad and the sign I asked for a description of the collar, and gender of the dog. I was a little worried that someone that was not the owner might try and claim him... can you see why?
I aint afraid of no ghost...
Monday, July 30, 2007
Please note - Diabolic plan #847 is in no way related to plan #679
Diabolic Plan #847 -
-Search out any and all competition websites
-find website domain names that people may misspell that are available
-secure said domain names
-redirect said secure domain names to our website
-keep my nefarious plot on the DL until the monkeys are ready
Diabolic plan #847 was a success, once the new website is up the games begin anew!
Please note - Diabolic plan #847 is in no way related to plan #679 Although they are similar in nature, there were no people harmed and I still have both my eyebrows... besides that was totally an accident.
A special thanks goes out to my lovely wife... had she not reminded me this morning by putting plan #847 on the whiteboard, it would not have been completed with such a fierceness.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
No plan big or small can get me to throw away a burrito!

I was mad when the first one had a single strip of lettuce in it. I let that go because after all they are making lots of food all at the same time. The second was the same... one single strip. Reheated lettuce in a burrito is nasty and that taste travels. By the time I was half way down the burrito I could taste the retched flavor of reheated slimy greens. Yes I still ate it. By now I am thinking a conspiracy is afoot. By burrito 4 I knew in my heart that someone at the bell was laughing maniacally! In fact all six bean burritos had one strip of lettuce in them. But I showed them... I ate every single one, down to the last nasty bite! No plan big or small can get me to throw away a burrito!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Da da da da da da da da da da da da...da da da da da..da da da da!

This summer is one to remember as so many great movies came out! We just got back from The Simpsons Movie and it was great! I did not go on opening night as I really hate lines to get into a movie so we went the next day during the afternoon. Plus the seats were a cheaper rate and scooper1 got some exposure. After leaving my wife and I agreed that we need to see it again to see all the little jokes we may have missed. And let me tell you there were plenty of hidden little things for the fans! If you enjoy the Simpsons you will enjoy this movie and yes, it was worth seeing in the theater!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Off to scoop some poop and do some pet sitting
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I live to scoop another day!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
It's sad when all you look forward to is coming home to spew
With that said Wednesday was a pretty rough day. In the morning I woke up feeling worse but decided that I had to scoop today. I had all my customers from Tuesday and all of Wednesday backed up and I had the choice of waiting out the sickness and backing up all my Thursday customers as well, not doing some of my customers this week, or suck it up and cork it (literally).
I decided I couldn't wait it out and didn't want to leave my customers wading around in their backyards. Aside from the extra restroom stops the day went ok, although when your stomach is turning it make picking up a steamer a bit more difficult. By 7 I was on my way home looking forward to praying to the porcelain god. As soon as I got home I announced my intentions, sent my wife off to pet sit, then did the deed.
I then sent my wife out to get some food to settle my stomach. Taco Bell was my choice... oops gotta run!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Out of nowhere, Sick like a dog.
Now last night my wife and I ate two separate dinners. Thinking it's not the food, I told her that she could have my gourmet cuisine for lunch. She normally doesn't like hamburger helper nor when its made with turkey meat, but I figured I would offer as apparently I would not be eating. She did not take the bait...DAMN! So anyone in the area I have some free lunch for you, come and get it! Never mind, I haven't eaten all day and am hungry, it's mine now losers!
Needless to say I did not go pooper scoop today's customers. Although if they each offered up the use of their restrooms I could have probably made it. Well except for the ride home. Oh well!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Pray to me you little shit
I loath you, see you tomorrow.