Chain emails are always true!

Every so often we all get an email warning us about viruses, or new email scams, or how terrorists are using our cell phones. Well I have been tired of getting these so I reply (usually to everyone because the person didn't know how to blind copy someone) to the email disproving the warning, and letting them know to be more careful about what they forward on to people. I also like to make sure that everyone gets the message so they don't continue to spread this spam.

Last December I got an email warning of the impending doom headed to our computers. I knew the person who sent it out because he had sent an email when he first started introducing himself. After getting this email I just couldn't help myself and I answered. After all the emails were done I thought about posting it for your enjoyment but then thought I needed to be pushed just a bit more to embarrass him. Well today as I am taking out the garbage who comes walking up my driveway... yep! He proceeds to hand me a flier and tell me that its only for people that have viruses on their computer. I couldn't believe he didn't stop and notice the cars with our name on them... I stopped in amazement, but before I replied I thought back to this email... instead of talking to him I turned around and came right to the computer... thanks Mark.... oh I mean BOB!

- The names in these emails have been charged to protect the ignorant -

from BOB
to The Scooper
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:40 PM
subject Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
signed-by gmail.com
This is for real.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!

You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,'regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C drive of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your
e-mail address on his/her contact list. That is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it!

If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even if it is sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN.

It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US

- I now chose to reply to all -

from The Scooper
to BOB
cc Everyone
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 8:38 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
mailed-by gmail.com


You're a tad late on this "warning" since this started in 2007, and although there could be a virus out there... it's not the big bad unstoppable one that destroys your c drive. Check out this link for some real facts before sending more spam... http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/postcard.asp You'll find that your email is on the page

Please take me off your list of people to email.

- He could have let it go but decided to reply again -

From BOB
to The Scooper
date Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 10:08 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From Marks Computer Magic
signed-by gmail.com

Then your an idiot. This just propagated yesterday morning you moron. Shut the hellup on the internet if your this young.

- I decided he might not have understood so I let him know. -

from The Scooper
to BOB
bbc Other people
date Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 12:31 PM
subject Re: Computer Virus Alert From BOBs Computer Magic
mailed-by gmail.com


BOB, since you didn't want to read the truth, and instead attack me, lets take this one step at a time.

As a self proclaimed expert in your field, I would think that you would investigate every email or notice of a new threat before you sent it out to potential customers. I understand that your business relies on the fear of that next virus to infect the consumers computer, but sending out emails without doing any investigation seems either malicious or ignorant (your choice.)

If you are being malicious then there is no point for you to read any further, you have made up your mind about this. For someone who has such high standards on how they treat their customers and what they charge and says this on their website "This type of treatment violates my personal, religious and my ethical belief." I find it very disturbing that this is the tactic you employ to get more business. Good luck with that!

Now if you are still reading lets try and figure out why you think I'm an idiot, moron, and "your this young." Although because you are lacking in the grammar department I'm not sure what "your this young" is supposed to mean (although I'm sure you meant "you're" or "you are"), so we'll just move on. I used to work for Verisign as an engineer in the bay area so I'm not one of your "...local so-called "techs" or ill-knowledged, self-taught geek idiots out there who think they know what they are doing..." and although the company I started here is picking up dog waste, I assure you that I am not an idiot or moron. But I know you're (see it's like that, not "your") shaking your fist at your computer screen vehemently disagreeing with what I have just said. You are probably really mad at yourself for not doing your homework before sending out an email to everyone, without blind copying them, and having someone with any sort of knowledge reply back to everyone proving you wrong. Don't be so hard on yourself! Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are an expert in their field. Let's move on past name calling and get to the core issue.

You said "This just propagated yesterday morning..." that statement was false. I'm not sure who forwarded the email to you but I assure you that they didn't write it, nor did the person before. I'm glad you took the time to take all the "fw"s off the subject line, but it doesn't make it true or not spam. Your (see! that one is right!) email is seen word for word on this site and many others dating back to early last year. That's when the chain letter started and it was proven that CNN nor McAfee never said anything like what was claimed. I understand that you think the link I sent out might be fake (especially from snopes.com they are not known for putting the truth out there) so I was going to start by sending you more links to dozens of other websites. I then realized that you might think I faked all of those so instead I'll let you do your own search. Go to Google (unless you think I got to them too) and do a search on "POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK" add in CNN if you want to make sure to see the letter you sent out specifically. Although your letter is on just about every website word for word.

Now BOB lets go over this one more time... Do your homework, don't Cc everyone (Bcc means blind carbon copy), don't email people who haven't emailed you before (I do understand the first email to announce your business but stop there!), don't reply back in anger without checking some facts first, and finally learn how to take a second to think before you write.

Fernley is such a small town and I didn't want this to turn into a "thing" but I don't appreciate spam, nor false information being sent out to fellow business owners and friends. I'm hoping you see the error of your ways and we can move past this.

Thanks for understanding!
The Scooper

Being cheesy IS as easy at it sounds.

So although most of the songs I come up with in my head while scooping aren't what most would call appropriate... I came up with this and decided to post it anyways!

Being interview on the radio today, not for my evil deeds but for being a scooper

That's right! My wife and I are off to the radio station today to be interviewed about our pooper scooper business. I hope to sneak in some evil deeds!

All I wanted was for someone to pass me the rock!

I put this ad on craigslist trying to get a trade.... and yet other than someone asking if I was a woman and hot (so they could work a trade for a ball) I got nothing!

Here's the deal. There is a basketball court near my house and I think I would like to get out and play some hoops. Because of laziness I am unwilling to pay any money for a ball so that when I only use it once (I'm hoping to play more than that of course) I don't feel bad that the ball sits in the garage. Don't get me wrong if it does go to the garage of sorrow it won't be lonely, there's a tone of stuff in there to keep it company, Halloween props, dust, some old carpet pieces, whips, chains, you know the usual . However if I do get to playing again, it will have a happy place to live... as long as the ball doesn't suck and make me suck in return.

But I digress... I would like a nice enough ball that keeps air and hasn't been handed down for years and years. (I don't want my new ball to know that there may have been someone better than me before the ball came to live with me. Then it would try and leave or make me suck... nothing good can come from that) So won't you please help me? I'm not asking for a free ball, but just am unwilling to lay down some green on one so lets make a deal and trade for one. What do you want? I'm going to guess that trading some time watching tv on the couch with me drinking beer is out so, what do you have in mind?

Come on coach I have hoop dreams!

Being Evil costs have gone up. That's why I started the next new endeavor

The newest way of making supplemental income has come in the form of my new business.

GET DOWN!!! Escape Planning Services

We are your full service escape planning service. From household escape mapping to getting out of any situation, we can give you a professional plan to escape. We have an escape plan for any situation and any budget.

Worried that your whole family will be killed in a fire? Not going to have time to save the family fish? We have a plan for you!

Been avoiding your boss because you haven't done your work for a week.? Think they may have found out that you were the one that "tainted" the office coffee? We have a plan for you!

Driving on south Virginia and think you're being followed? Forgot to call us but still need a plan sent to your phone? We have a plan for you!

Just used the bathroom and as usual you flooded the toilet at a friends house. You can't use the window to escape but don't want to get caught again. We have a plan for you!

Did you just realize that your boyfriend is a stalker. Is he leaving dead birds at your front door? Can't afford the hit? We have a plan for you!

You went to the bank for a withdrawal forgetting that you brought a gun and bomb strapped to your chest? Once they started throwing money at you, you decided to go with it but now need a way out? We have a plan for you!

If you are planning a kidnapping but realized you don't know how to get out of the hospital with your new baby? We have a plan for you!

Enjoy farting in the elevator but always get caught doing it. We have a plan for you!

Assassins and Ninjas are constantly trying to kill you. Tired of having to fight your way out of a room? We have a plan for you!

Work in a high rise building and afraid your wife and girlfriend are going to meet in the lobby. Worried that they are headed up to your office now to confront you? Don't want to get caught with your other girlfriend in your office? We have a plan for you!

Government hunting your down as a fugitive and need a plan for getting out? We have a plan for you!

We have an escape plan for any and all situations! Worried that your plan will cost too much? Don't be! We have payment plans and prices to meet any budget as well as bartering offers are also accepted. We do not endorse illegal activities but that doesn't mean we can't make a plan for you. Please feel free to email us with your situation that you need a plan for and we will start working out a price and a plan for you. PlanningYourEscape@gmail.com

Ok the hot sauce thing only made 1 person tremble in fear

unfortunately that was me, as I was switching out all the packets, I got some in my eye. It burned...bad! Then I had to man up and get going but then I stubbed my toe and started crying.... but only for like 20 minutes. I'm good now after some down time.

Tomorrow I take on the bush pooper.

Diabolic plan #2399 is in effect... You have been warned!

Just a short update. Pretty much just for my fans and loyal subjects, I mean there aren't that many of you out there... well enough for me to write you I guess... anyways you get the idea... um if you don't get the idea then email me at evilinsideofme@gmail.com then I'll put you straight. If you do already get it then read on.

I plan to change all the sauce packets at taco bell to a hotter sauce than what the outside packaging says. Thus, panic will ensue with peoples mouths burning. Mass confusion over the level of hotness they thought they were putting on and what they actually got will start riots in the streets. From that point I will be able to start diabolic plan #882, terror of which the world has never seen!!!Although these packets look like they are hot... the sauce inside has actually been replaced by FIRE sauce! It has begun...

After many months I have come out of hiding

For those of you who know, I have been in hiding because a mysterious (and bothersome) crime fighter has made it their mission to ruin all my plans for world domination. After the attempt on my life that failed I thought I had dealt with the problem. I however did not know of the new "stuperhero" that was working his lame moves my way. He has settled in Reno and has been working with local law enforcement to try and stop my every move. After careful consideration and research I feel that I am ready to continue with my plans... Nothing can stop me now!!!!

I also did some research to find if this new guy was registered with the World Superhero Registry, but he is not. He is lame and has something to do with carrots. He keeps yelling something about boc? Either way he will not stop me! If any of my followers comes across him please let me know, also keep track of the rest of the bothersome bunch here http://worldsuperheroregistry.com I was able to find a picture of him... what a vile looking boy!

I have also sent my grievance to the counsel about this nuisance not following the proper channels in declaring me his new arch enemy. Since he wears a bandoleer of carrots I can only assume that he has super vision... or he throws them. Either way he has stopped me with brute force... I must find his weakness... maybe sugar?

The henchman you sent to kill me failed, so sorry!

He is currently tied up in the back of Scooper1 and will remain there until I get the required information. Your plot to assassinate me and take over my region has failed, I will be coming for you soon. I have attained that his name is Pier' and he is well versed in the are of "bead tossing." Although I am not sure what that pertains to I will foil your next attempt with some "bead tossing" of my own.

Whoever though it would be funny needs to stop!

Diabolical plan #1863 was not a success like previously stated. Somehow someone learned of my plans and decided it would be funny to replace the wonderflonium with frozen pet waste. After taking the contents out and placing them in my freeze ray much to my disgust, the freeze ray did not start working but smoking. Now my entire layer smells of burnt plastic wires, and crap.

I will have my revenge!

On a side note applications are coming in but the candidates as of so far have not impressed me. Remember, evilinsideofme@gmail.com is the only place to apply, please stop trying to break into my layer for an interview, that is all.

Again, I will have my revenge!

Ummm

Diabolic plan #1863 was "technically" a success...

The short end of it is I was able to breach the facility in Kansas. I did find a case that should have been holding the wonderflonium that I was after. I was able to make my escape without being spotted... well I was seen a few times, but not captured. Once I have deduced what type of materials were in the case I will update you all. Unfortunitly I do not believe that the precious wonderflonium was in the case.

Grooming an Evil mascot takes time... not thievery!

I have for six years now been grooming Pugzilla to be a mascot to evil, but I have been betrayed by genetics. He recently had to have his eye removed because of glaucoma which got the attention of Pilates Pirate. PP has now taken an interest in recruiting Pugzilla because of his now pirate pug status and his name begins with a P. I have been planning Pugzilla's path and just because he could be known as PPP I plan on filing a grievance with the league. Until PP is dealt with I am putting Pugzilla on lockdown.

Diabolic plan #1863 has commenced

I was able to plant the Subconscinabler last month at the house of an unknowing accomplice. After having the replace the batteries twice I was finally able to get it synced to his brainwaves and the plan has begun. I have convinced my new rube to have me come along on a road trip to Kansas. Which as you all know that is where they keep all the wonderflonium supplies (thanks to Dr. Horrible and the events leading to the death of Captin Hammers Girlfriend.) So in order to get my own Freeze Ray working I needed to take a trip there unnoticed. This opportunity has presented itself and although it is a bit early I am on my way to steal the Wonderflonium with my unknowing accomplice. We will be using his vehicle so I will not have to drive Scooper1 which as you all know an evil vehicles tend to stand out. I will not be able to update this plan in action as I will need to keep everything on the DL. Once I have the Wonderflonium I will be able to launch diabolic plans 143, 16, 1992, and 971. Stay tuned.

Also I will be holding interviews in Colorado at 2:47am for those of you who have emailed thus far.

Now accepting applications from the Henchman's union

I have realized that to accomplish Diabolic plans number 326, 851, 4268, and 4 I will need a henchman to complete some small tasks.
Requirements are as follows:
You must have a bad sense of smell (as too many have backed out once I have unleashed one of my secret tools)
Your disposablity level must rate a 7.2 or higher
You must have driving experience with evil vehicles
You must have the ability to fling poo like a spider monkey - or equivalent to a mental patient
Your henchman hours must meet or exceed 18.8 units
Those with experience with small rakes and dustpans will be considered first

Send correspondence through the union or email your application to EvilInsideOfMe@gmail.com