Monday, June 15, 2009

Being interview on the radio today, not for my evil deeds but for being a scooper

That's right! My wife and I are off to the radio station today to be interviewed about our pooper scooper business. I hope to sneak in some evil deeds!

Monday, April 13, 2009

All I wanted was for someone to pass me the rock!

I put this ad on craigslist trying to get a trade.... and yet other than someone asking if I was a woman and hot (so they could work a trade for a ball) I got nothing!

Here's the deal. There is a basketball court near my house and I think I would like to get out and play some hoops. Because of laziness I am unwilling to pay any money for a ball so that when I only use it once (I'm hoping to play more than that of course) I don't feel bad that the ball sits in the garage. Don't get me wrong if it does go to the garage of sorrow it won't be lonely, there's a tone of stuff in there to keep it company, Halloween props, dust, some old carpet pieces, whips, chains, you know the usual . However if I do get to playing again, it will have a happy place to live... as long as the ball doesn't suck and make me suck in return.

But I digress... I would like a nice enough ball that keeps air and hasn't been handed down for years and years. (I don't want my new ball to know that there may have been someone better than me before the ball came to live with me. Then it would try and leave or make me suck... nothing good can come from that) So won't you please help me? I'm not asking for a free ball, but just am unwilling to lay down some green on one so lets make a deal and trade for one. What do you want? I'm going to guess that trading some time watching tv on the couch with me drinking beer is out so, what do you have in mind?

Come on coach I have hoop dreams!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Being Evil costs have gone up. That's why I started the next new endeavor

The newest way of making supplemental income has come in the form of my new business.

GET DOWN!!! Escape Planning Services

We are your full service escape planning service. From household escape mapping to getting out of any situation, we can give you a professional plan to escape. We have an escape plan for any situation and any budget.

Worried that your whole family will be killed in a fire? Not going to have time to save the family fish? We have a plan for you!

Been avoiding your boss because you haven't done your work for a week.? Think they may have found out that you were the one that "tainted" the office coffee? We have a plan for you!

Driving on south Virginia and think you're being followed? Forgot to call us but still need a plan sent to your phone? We have a plan for you!

Just used the bathroom and as usual you flooded the toilet at a friends house. You can't use the window to escape but don't want to get caught again. We have a plan for you!

Did you just realize that your boyfriend is a stalker. Is he leaving dead birds at your front door? Can't afford the hit? We have a plan for you!

You went to the bank for a withdrawal forgetting that you brought a gun and bomb strapped to your chest? Once they started throwing money at you, you decided to go with it but now need a way out? We have a plan for you!

If you are planning a kidnapping but realized you don't know how to get out of the hospital with your new baby? We have a plan for you!

Enjoy farting in the elevator but always get caught doing it. We have a plan for you!

Assassins and Ninjas are constantly trying to kill you. Tired of having to fight your way out of a room? We have a plan for you!

Work in a high rise building and afraid your wife and girlfriend are going to meet in the lobby. Worried that they are headed up to your office now to confront you? Don't want to get caught with your other girlfriend in your office? We have a plan for you!

Government hunting your down as a fugitive and need a plan for getting out? We have a plan for you!

We have an escape plan for any and all situations! Worried that your plan will cost too much? Don't be! We have payment plans and prices to meet any budget as well as bartering offers are also accepted. We do not endorse illegal activities but that doesn't mean we can't make a plan for you. Please feel free to email us with your situation that you need a plan for and we will start working out a price and a plan for you.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ok the hot sauce thing only made 1 person tremble in fear

unfortunately that was me, as I was switching out all the packets, I got some in my eye. It burned...bad! Then I had to man up and get going but then I stubbed my toe and started crying.... but only for like 20 minutes. I'm good now after some down time.

Tomorrow I take on the bush pooper.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Diabolic plan #2399 is in effect... You have been warned!

Just a short update. Pretty much just for my fans and loyal subjects, I mean there aren't that many of you out there... well enough for me to write you I guess... anyways you get the idea... um if you don't get the idea then email me at then I'll put you straight. If you do already get it then read on.

I plan to change all the sauce packets at taco bell to a hotter sauce than what the outside packaging says. Thus, panic will ensue with peoples mouths burning. Mass confusion over the level of hotness they thought they were putting on and what they actually got will start riots in the streets. From that point I will be able to start diabolic plan #882, terror of which the world has never seen!!!Although these packets look like they are hot... the sauce inside has actually been replaced by FIRE sauce! It has begun...

Monday, January 12, 2009

After many months I have come out of hiding

For those of you who know, I have been in hiding because a mysterious (and bothersome) crime fighter has made it their mission to ruin all my plans for world domination. After the attempt on my life that failed I thought I had dealt with the problem. I however did not know of the new "stuperhero" that was working his lame moves my way. He has settled in Reno and has been working with local law enforcement to try and stop my every move. After careful consideration and research I feel that I am ready to continue with my plans... Nothing can stop me now!!!!

I also did some research to find if this new guy was registered with the World Superhero Registry, but he is not. He is lame and has something to do with carrots. He keeps yelling something about boc? Either way he will not stop me! If any of my followers comes across him please let me know, also keep track of the rest of the bothersome bunch here I was able to find a picture of him... what a vile looking boy!

I have also sent my grievance to the counsel about this nuisance not following the proper channels in declaring me his new arch enemy. Since he wears a bandoleer of carrots I can only assume that he has super vision... or he throws them. Either way he has stopped me with brute force... I must find his weakness... maybe sugar?