Dear cats in my yard,
Lately you cats have been hanging out in our yard. I really don't mind too much because in my mind you are hunting mice and keeping them out of our house. You don't seem to bother the pugs too much, and you pretend to run away so I don't feel the need to pretend to protect my yard. Up until last week it was a relationship that worked for the both of us. For the last week I have noticed that you have had a friend over. Don't get me wrong, if you need someone to pack hunt with go for it. The problem I am having is that you two start to fight like bitches, particularly in the mornings. I should be more specific, in the early mornings next to our bathroom window. You two are loud as hell and I'm getting tired of it. At first I just thought you two were getting it on since I've seen you two chilling together like buds. But those sounds aren't of love but of pussy fighting. You two need to chill before I bring out my auto airsoft gun and put you to the curb. If this continues I will fortify my yard with duck tape on the tops of all the fences and sit guard watching to chase you out. If we have an understanding please let me know by shutting the hell up and placing a dead animal sacrifice (of your choice) on my bar outside as a gift.
Thank you,
The Scooper
P.S. I hate you both.
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